So many things have been going on in my life… and much that I just cannot talk about anywhere but in my journals. God is making things happen around my friends and I. I don’t know where this is going, but I’m managing to stay sane throughout all these things.
If this were to happen to me a few years ago, I’d probably be in the hospital by now. I’m now strong enough that I can not only just stay sane but incredible things are happening in the process. I can be there for important people in my life and they are there for me.
Sometimes, I wonder if I’m in a psychotic episode.
Only this is not psychotic… this is God working in real life. Through extraordinary circumstances, 2 of my closest friends met from thousands of miles away for 5 days and fell in love and now he’s moving here with me to find a place in my hometown!
When I mention a growth spurt, I don’t mean the nine inches I grew in eighth grade. I’m talking about my life’s current season, growing from within and seizing every opportunity to branch out. Bipolar put my life on hold for seven years from age 17 to 24. The vital truths I learned then were that I am not my illness but have it, and becoming familiar with my “strain” of bipolar. During the following three years since age 24, I found myself.
Reflecting on the past four months, I now realize I inadvertently decided to make some life changes. Such changes were impossible for me before, until I learned that change comes from within. In order to make new friends and form new relationships, I must silently call out to people from within. When I did, people came, both new faces and people I’ve known for a while, and I followed my intuitions.
Writing became a much higher priority, as my inner desire is to speak out about bipolar, mental illness, and share my experiences. Much of this is in keeping journals and keeping this blog when I can. Meditation taught me I have more control over my body, and I can lose weight because I want to. I’ve now lost over 30 pounds in 2 1/2 months! My career opportunities may be expanding as well, as I desire to have greater responsibility for my life.
With all of this being said, I mentioned in a recent post that I’m planning on telling my parents I’m not a Christian. That was my idea, and I know it to be the wrong thing to do. Why? It’s out of context. I don’t want to ruin this growth by nipping it in the bud before it blooms. I’m enjoying the season, every day of it, and I shall see it through. No one knows how my parents will react, and I’m still dependent on them financially. Also, it would cause them and my extended family great pain to hear this news. Anguish would be wrought upon me in dealing with their feelings myself. I cannot stress enough how deep the Christian convictions run in my family. As much as I want to come clean with my faith to everyone, now is not the right time or place.
To those who are suffering right now from bipolar, I feel your pain. I encourage you to press on and never do it alone. I hope this might be some encouragement for you in that there is hope of not only becoming a normally functioning human being, but that your trials indeed turn to gold. Your pain is the price you pay to be extraordinary later on. I assure you it’s worth the cost.
Thank you, everyone who has read part of my blog, and especially to those who have followed or given feedback and support! I appreciate it. Seize the day!