theothersid3 on Black Lives Matter

Overall, there are good white people and bad white people.

Overall, there are good black people and bad black people.

Overall, there are good Hispanic people and bad Hispanic people.

Overall, there are good Asian people and bad Asian people.

Overall, there are good people of other/mixed races and bad people of other/mixed races.

Overall, there are good men and bad men.

Overall, there are good women and bad women.

Overall, there are good people of other genders and bad people of other genders.

No matter where you are in the world, the above is true.

I have been saved by white, black, Hispanic, Asian, and other people. I have been screwed over by white, black, Hispanic, Asian, and other people.

How one person treats others reflects not just on that one person. Sadly, people tend to generalize and remember the bad. Receiving bad treatment impacts the victim. It also reflects forward on everyone of the perpetrator’s race or demographic in the eyes of the victim.

It is everyone’s responsibility to treat others with love in its flavor that is appropriate: tough love, romantic love, sibling love, enemy love, friendship love, parental love, unconditional love, or a called-for combination of these.

The race one is born into should not inspire prejudice. It is not our place to judge human beings, period. However, there is no avoiding the race factor as it has been happening beyond the scope of our lives in all the history of mankind.

Black people were dealt a particularly bad hand, especially amongst white people. As easily shown above, we are all the same: good, bad, and everything in between. We are all people. In reality, race is not a factor for the morality of any individual. However, every person can choose to make race a factor.

Treat black lives the same as any other in love as all human beings deserve. We cannot control the actions of others, but we can all take personal responsibility in this matter.

Be the change you want to see in the world. Spread the love.

-theothersid3

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The New Beginning

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I became married to my beautiful wife a few months ago. The all-encompassing, loving force she has on my naked self is stronger than gravity. I mean my dreams, my mind-heart, my spirit, my soul, my strength.

There have been many shifts in me since I met her. She helps me see the path to my dreams more clearly, we quench our thirsty mind-hearts together, she provides joy to my spirit, invites God into our lives and relationship, and takes care of me to keep my strength up.

Bipolar I is now a small burden to deal with. Instead, life is sprouting from those decomposed wounds of the past, and bipolar now acts as an inspiration of many great potentials. Inspirations in my daily life, my worldview, and my outlook for the rest of my life.

My wife and I have committed to write the books of our lives together till death do us part. If there is a way to follow her into the dark, I will without a doubt.

With each other, we can proceed to the next contexts of life and enjoy each moment. Together.

-theothersid3

 

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Seven Haikus for my Wife

White Licking Flames

 

Where we’ve been; when we met.

 

High, wide, deep faulter.

For love is within, from One.

Agape, forged strong.

 

No sun. No moon. Pain –

fans the flames of your heart’s forge.

Dark flames fueled by dust.

 

The dust turns mad; A

surge of madness fuels dark flames,

rotting my heart’s flesh

 

Ignorance was light;

But the Anesthesia of

Denial – is gone.

 

Numbs our hearts no more.

Our minds race, hearts infected,

roasting on dark flames.

 

We get up, move on.

Unrequited love shadows

the aligning stars.

 

As a thief love came,

requited mind-hearts ablaze;

White flames lick ours both.

 

-theothersid3

 

 

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Agape


My Love,

Before I go to bed, I want to recognize something about you I’m thankful for and say a little about how much you mean to me…
You lead by example and it inspires me… Especially how you support my dreams and the other things like doing dishes. It makes me want to keep going and do better for myself and you and others.
You are everything I want in a life partner… And I would not be surprised if this continues after death. We dance together on the same wavelength. It’s quite a miracle in the making by God himself.
“Agape”
Know now, agape,

Not even death can take you…

Our love shall live on.
Love,

-theothersid3

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Life’s Changes Since We Met

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A lot has shifted in me since I met her seven to eight months ago.

Instead of the ever painful “where is she?” I constantly asked myself in the past, it turned into “This person is right in front of me… I more than love her to death, and her me.” That, right there, changes a man. I am loved completely like that and know I love her just as much.

I can tell you there are ways that are very basic that it changes me, as well as ways I do not yet understand.

This is the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.

“Mutual Lovers”

Deep in the darkness,

Demons rode our shoulders; Now

possessing God’s Light

God’s Light is frying our demons of the past. All of what we went through was worth it for a future with each other. God has turned a lot of darkness into light in our lives through each other. We found each other in the dark. Thank you, God.

-theothersid3

photo credit: rogiro Trust via photopin (license)

Have Faith in Yourself

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One may expect nothing good coming from completely losing one’s mind to madness, and dealing with the aftermath. I often heard the cliches about how I would be a stronger person as a result and I would learn so much through these experiences. However, looking back, those words of encouragement only spoke of the beginning of what I gained resulting from embarking on the recovery process.

I did a little bit of reflecting in my journal this evening about what I have lost and gained over the past fourteen years, since I was diagnosed with bipolar I following a psychotic break.

Here’s a small list of profound losses I experienced within the past fourteen years:

  • My physical health and good looks
  • My religion, which was a foundation of my life
  • My spirituality
  • My sense of identity
  • My sharp intellect and ability to learn new things went into remission
  • At a couple points, I lost my mind completely
  • My ability to adequately care for myself and my environment

I still struggle hard with my physical health and my ability to adequately care for myself. However, in the past fourteen years, I’ve regained much about the other items on the list.

So, not only have I gained back most of the above list of losses, I’ve found the following:

  • I’ve broken free from the institution of religion
  • I’ve broken the generational cycle of madness
  • I understand family and friends better
  • I’ve learned who I am and what I need to explore about myself
  • I’ve embarked on the road to recovery from severe verbal abuse and isolation growing up
  • I’ve discovered some things never go away, such as my analytic mind
  • I’ve confirmed my passion for writing
  • I’ve found wisdom and a new way of seeing the world
  • I can explore a rich spiritual identity and experiences

During recovery, there are seasons and there are trends. It was pitch black for many years of my life. I had therapy nearly every week for 9 months after my first episode, often focusing on the reasons why I shouldn’t commit suicide. All seasons of recovery present their challenges. Over time, the light becomes brighter, and during the seasons, this light will fluctuate.

However, just know that the deeper my pain, the deeper my loss, the more constitutive my loss… the deeper character I gain, the more I find, and the more cohesive I become as a result of these experiences. I’ve reached a point where I have become someone that is beyond my wildest dreams or imaginations, compared to fourteen years ago.

I’m at a brightly blossoming point in my road to recovery. I still have a ways to go, but I’m making progress faster than I have ever before. The truth is… those cliche encouragements did help a little bit when I took them in good faith. The darker the valley, the harder it is to climb out and the longer it takes to climb out. I had faith in myself that I could get through when I was unable to call on God for help and no one could be there for me.

One thing is always true: have faith in yourself. No matter how bad it is, you can overcome.

-theothersid3

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Jan 29, 2017: A Heartfelt Prayer

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Dear God,

It’s been a long time since I’ve spoken to you from the heart, let alone written from the heart.

This journey is a lonely one and I’m in the middle of a piercing darkness. The light of your son is there in Christ Jesus, and it keeps me going, but it does not satisfy my here.

Thank you for showing me the Beyond, the Heavens, and Hades through my psychotic breaks. Without these visions, I would be more empty, fragmented, and lost.

Continue to show me the way you intend for me, and continue to give me the strength to push forward.

I know I will end up falling astray and will inevitably miss the mark of truth. God, I pray you show me truth and the way to shalom, for myself and those around me.

Keep me humble and malleable. Don’t let me lose perspective. I pray that all areas of knowledge, such as the scientific, philosophical, religious, and the spiritual may one day be united. I pray I may be an instrument in this process.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

-theothersid3

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The Elusive Voice of God

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Looking back, I now realize that God has been silent in my mind for a very long time… years, in fact. I have heard God’s voice before in spirit, and I know my Lord’s voice. However, it is apparent I don’t know them well. I’ve been deceived by a number of different spiritual presences since, and I suspect the most pervasive one is my own inner voice.

In June 2016, when I drove myself to the mental health facility to be admitted as an inpatient, I was following something destructive. I ended up writing a few hundred pages in my journal while I stayed there, which I am still not ready to review as of today. That spiritual voice led me down some very strange rabbit holes. This included taking on the identity of the Angel of Death, drinking from cups signifying various things including the tears of the saints, and encouraged the notion of soul mates.

However, in the process of all this madness, I had a profound moment of deja-vu. I cannot tell whether I was sleeping or awake, but I remembered with utmost clarity a religious experience I had in 2003 after I blacked out then. A few months later, this recollection precipitated a chain reaction in my psyche. Under the guidance of my therapist, I revisited many angles of these experiences in my journal and have begun the process of unraveling the twisted rifts in my mind.

Why, I ask myself, is God silent now of all times? I can only speculate. I trust God will make it clear when He speaks to me again and reveal himself when I am ready. He must have a lot of confidence in me to be silent while I sort out a magnitude of burdens with the help of my friends, family, and therapist. While these are burdens, they are also some of my richest blessings and provide me with much wisdom and understanding.

Whether you are spiritual or not, what are some tools you have for sorting out your mind?

-theothersid3

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