I suppose it may be better for me to just move on and forget about my past two psychotic breaks. However, as I learn more and experience more things in life, I’m realizing they play a big part in how my worldview is shaping up. Although it may be true I’ll never understand them till I die, I understand more about them as time goes on. What does not settle well is that it depends on whether the world as we know it ends first or my death happens first. Part of my psychotic breaks dealt with the end of the age and the commencement of the new.
I don’t expect anyone to understand. I continue living life as though nothing happened. I try to be generous, kind, loving, wise, and understanding. In my alone time, I spend some of it pondering all the big questions. I’ve been one to do that most of my life.
I think it’s a happy medium to spend some alone time thinking about my worldview and my breaks how they fit in. If I leave the psychotic breaks alone, then they have begun to drive me up the wall in the past. I have not reconciled the content of my breaks with how I understand reality yet. I still hope to write a book on them, what they were from my point of view and my inpatient notes’ point of view. They are drastically different.
4 thoughts on “Live Like They Never Happened”
I too have gone through 2 psychotic breaks – the 2nd one was just 2 weeks ago in fact. I think it’s important to incorporate them into your understanding of the world, but to know them for what they are.
Those are some heavy topics – end of the age as we know it and beginning of anew. Mine were a little less to grapple with: everyone important to me is in therapy with my therapist, strangers are actors, grandiose thinking, etc. Best of luck – I too hope to write a book. There’s not enough out there about it!
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Thank you for your encouragement. I hope the best for you in your recovery as well. Anything I can do to help or write about please let me know.
I did have a thought, if you feel compelled – what if you wrote about the time period when you were forced to realize the thinking was delusional? That can be a really painful process. Did you get yourself to realize it or was it people around you telling you differently?
Sure that is a good question. I’ll try to write about it soon. The short answer was that both the people around me and myself played a role in sorting that piece out.