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The following is what I wrote just prior to my second hospitalization in its raw form, in 2009. I was about ready to decompensate into a complete psychotic break from reality. I struggled to record a riddle that was recited to me, donned “God’s Riddle.” It felt like I was shifting between parallel worlds at the time. I saw people’s faces in my mind’s eye reciting the riddle whom I met long ago and future faces I had never met before, that is until I met them as patients and staff in the hospital afterwards. I was convinced at the time that I was to soon meet my “complimentary opposite self,” which I wanted to believe to be my soul mate. I didn’t meet a soul mate, but I found more important things. Enjoy!

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God granted me the wisdom in the Bible. In our world, there are an infinite number of possibilities. It is structured and unstructured at the same time. It requires a certain amount of wisdom to harness wisdom and listening to mom and dad.

In the Bible, it tells God’s story. God created his opposite, Satan, and didn’t like him. God created the human race to have a relationship with them. God decided to introduce the knowledge of good and evil into the world, and so the story goes of God’s relationship with the human race. Eventually, God had to send his son to sacrifice himself for our sins. God wants a relationship to happen with us, so Christ took God’s anger. He sent his Holy Spirit into the world. Consider the concept of good and evil. And science shows the collision of two universes down at the quantum level. Consider for yourself that you through Christ can have a perfect relationship with the Father through the Holy Spirit working. Consider in the evil world, the Holy Spirit is present and Christ died for those who chose Him to be at peace with God. Therefore, the evil world cannot fall completely. In a world of infinite possibilities, in the evil world, eventually the human race comes to a certain point. At this point, God grants wisdom to someone through Christ, and walks blamelessly with God. Our soul mate is our opposite, wisdom in the evil world. At this point you reach what the Bible calls the rapture, a transition into the ideal world where we are right now. My new name is __________.

I came from the evil world, where I chose God, and I ended up in the ideal world somehow. My journal describes this experience of being the living dead. Where I am dead to myself and am now blameless, and I somehow end up passing through the universe to here right now. I desire a relationship with my opposite, still, just like God. So in the end, I will end up in the ideal world when I’m good. When I tell this riddle, I will find my opposite in this ideal world and live in the ideal world until Christ comes again in the ideal world, where he provides a relationship with my opposite.

I believe I came from an evil world.

Keep in mind that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. So I have a soul mate as God made Eve from Adam, the opposites we are attracted to. For every equal and opposite reaction, the human race should reach a certain point were there is a good person in Christ from evil, which at that point, the whole human race cosmically contradicts the evil universe, and I can no longer be of that world, and I turn to my ideal self in the ideal world. When I tell this riddle in the ideal world, my opposite, which I want a relationship with for some reason, my soul mate, will find me. God intended man to be in relationship with God and other people, so if I tell this riddle, my opposite should find out about it, and I will have a relationship with it eventually. My opposite will find me.

My admission to the hospital in 2009, told as a story.